I'm starting to get over the heartbreak of giving up the kitty. Every now and then I've been attacking Roger though. I just keep thinking about his stupid car. Or maybe it's because I've been spending my days trying to shop the hole in my heart full again and in the process I've been buying his birthday presents. I'm finally falling into my weekly routine though and my workouts are going better. I think the endorphins from exercising are the only thing keeping me from falling into a full on depression most days. The scale read 140 on Monday. I almost cried. I've never been too conscious about my weight, but that number just fucking blows. So now I've been all critical of how much I'm eating, which is totally wrong. I should be more concerned with what I'm eating not how much. I got somewhat on the right track last night by making baked Italian chicken with stir fried veggies and rice. Roger absolutely loved it and I'm pretty sure I'll be making it at least once a week from now on. Tonight won't be so healthy. I'm reverting to my stock of Hamburger Helper as he'll be coming home late after work because of football practice.
I sat down to look at our finances yesterday thinking that may cheer me up, but of course it only stressed me out about our future because I can't just be happy that we could possibly have $70,000 in our savings when we finally move back to the states. I have to go and try to figure out if we'll be able to buy two brand new cars and a house, which we won't really be able to without living paycheck to paycheck and that is something I am happy to not be doing anymore. I should just sit here and be excited about our trip, excited to see my parents in 68 days, excited that we could potentially save $70,000 by June of 2009. $70,000. That is something I never would have imagined for myself before I turned 25. Not to mention having 3 fully paid off cars and being a world traveler by 23. I should be pretty excited about those things. Ha! And all without a college degree! But that still makes me a looser in some people's eyes. I guess I'm working on it. But it still really scares me about what happens next. If I estimated correctly I will have my Associates in Whatever by October next year. Then I'll take at least one more year off before starting on my Bachelors, hopefully in music..but I've been considering Music History or just History. I was always good at History. I was better at playing the flute though. Great, I'm back to stressing about the future again. I need to just be happy right now. Happy to go make the bed and start some laundry and do the dishes and tidy up the living room and get my ass dressed and do my hair. Then maybe I'll treat myself to jewelry shopping at the BX. Some fake pearls would be great and maybe some new earrings and hey, I've got a new CD to listen to. See things are looking up already.
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