Doubt Full

So I took a break for a little while, mostly because I'm tired of writing, talking and thinking about the truck situation. It's been in the shop for a month now and I'm not really sure we're any closer to having it running than the last time I wrote. It took them two weeks to finally get a diagnostic on it and now at the end of the third week they are finally putting on one of the parts the diagnostic said was malfunctioning. The other part is being Fed-Exed by my dad and should be here tomorrow or Saturday. The shop said we may not even need it. Fingers crossed for that outcome, but even if we do have to put the other part on the truck should be back to us by next weekend, which means we should be able to pick up my parents with it. The asshole we bought it from still hasn't called us, but we're waiting to stir things up again until the truck is fully fixed and we have the full cost of everything. My grandfather is sending a check for school this week; sadly that money will probably go toward the stupid fucking truck. I would have given anything to be in Idaho with all these problems, or just back in the states. At least then we could have gotten a real fucking vehicle and not just something to hold us over. It's when we have to settle for things that we always end up getting screwed. I think I've worked it out so we won't have to dip into our savings account just yet. With any luck we'll get the full amount allowed refunded for my tuition in our taxes. I just really hope the money situation works itself out before June. Our Christmas trip hasn't even started and I'm already stressing about the price of tickets to fly home for Roger's brother's high school graduation. I'm going to be so pissed if we spend $2500 to go back home and his family treats us like shit again.

Roger is making me feel like shit all the time these days. If he's not being nasty to me because I'm not interested in sex then he's making rude jokes that hurt my feelings and make me feel like I'm stupid or useless or just plain unloved and that doesn't make me want to have sex with him any more than before. I feel ugly and he just expects me to fuck him so he's happy. He can't put any effort in to make me feel beautiful or loved. He only tries when he wants to get me in bed and that is only ten seconds before I'm expected to spread my legs. When he's been insulting me all day long it doesn't exactly work. I don't know what the fuck his problem is. I'm too tired to fight with him about it anymore and at this point I just really wish he'd get his act together because my parents are going to be here in a week and a half and I don't want to be bickering through our entire EuroTrip.